Too Little Too Late
by Ebony-Jayne
Summary: A particularly difficult case lets the squad in on the mind of a teenage girl and into the private life of one of their own...WARNING: This story deals with selfharming. it is written from a selfharmers POV & may be a trigger for others.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: A particularly difficult case lets the squad in on the mind of a teenage girl and into the private life of one of their own.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter One: Alleigh

"Alleigh Jade Halloway, 14 years old yesterday. Friend came around and found her like that," an ageing police officer told Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler.

"Parents?" Olivia inquired, trying to avoid looking at the young girl hanging from the rafters in a musty old garage.

"Holidaying in France. We've got a number for them, we just didn't know if you guys wanted to do it or if you wanted Victims Services to," the officer told them. Olivia looked at Elliot.

"I'll do it when we get back to the unit," she sighed.

"Ok," the officer left them to speak to Dr. Melinda Warner the coroner.

"Detectives," she greeted.

"What've we got?" Elliot asked her.

"Well. I'm not sure. What I do know is that the rope was tied around her neck and she was strung up post mortem. No bruising see?" Warner pointed at the girl's neck. "Can't tell you much more until after the Autopsy," she shrugged apologetically.

"Sexual assault?" Olivia asked.

"Not sure yet. You got her because she's a minor," Warner said, reading Olivia's eyes.

"Ok. Can we get her down from there?" Elliot asked. Olivia looked over at her partner and saw that he was struggling with this. She knew he was thinking of his own three daughters. His youngest daughter Elizabeth and only son Dickie were only a little younger than Alleigh Halloway.

"Yeah," Warner nodded.

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"Elliot," Olivia's soft voice penetrated the awful dream Elliot was having. "Come on El, you gotta wake up," she coaxed.

"Yeah, I'm up, I'm up," he opened his eyes slowly. "Why the urgency?" he asked sitting up on the cot he was sleeping on in the crib.

"Warner just paged me. She's done with the autopsy," Olivia smiled a little, reaching out a hand to pull him up.

"Oh right, right," Elliot nodded following Olivia out of the dark room.

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"Cause of death is asphyxia. Found cotton fibers in her throat. Someone put a pillow over her face until she stopped breathing. No signs of recent sexual assault. Lots of old scarring though. She's been abused in the past," Warner said sadly. "Pretty badly too. The other thing is this," Warner said lifting the sheet up over the girls thighs.

"Oh my god," Olivia had to look away. "What the hell is that?"

"Whoever killed her slashed up her thighs badly. Some of these cuts would have needed stitches should she still be alive," Warner told them. Elliot grabbed the sheet and pulled it back down over Alleigh's legs. He could see that this was affecting his partner deeply.

"So asphyxiated, mutilated, and raped in the past. I think we need to have a chat with the parents," Elliot said.

"They'll be here in the morning. I guess it's time we went to see Casey," Olivia sighed.

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"No I can not do that. I wont do that. Your client broke the law. He raped a young woman and I have all the evidence I need for a conviction. I have no interest in doing a deal with your client. I'm sorry but I'll see you in court," Casey told Travis Michaels.

"Fine. See you in court Novak," the guy walked out the door pausing briefly to throw a final insult over his shoulder. "You really are as big a bitch as they say you are. You're depriving five little girls of a father." He stomped off down the hallway past a mildly shocked Elliot and Olivia. Casey stuck her head out the door and smiled at the detectives gesturing them in.

"Travis Michaels. I went to law school with him. He's still bitter because I passed my bar exams first time and it took him several tries to pass his," she told them mildly.

"Right," Elliot sniggered. "New case: Alleigh Halloway, 14 year old girl found hanging in her garage. Cause of death was asphyxia from being smothered. She was cut to pieces pre-mortem and strung up post mortem," he told her.

"Oh man," Casey cringed. "Sexual assault?" she asked.

"Sometime in the past she was but not recently," Olivia told her.

"Ok. I'm trying a case for Munch and Fin at the moment. Keep me posted," Casey told them.

"Sure. See you," Olivia turned and left the office.

"Bye Olivia," Casey called after her. "Out of curiosity Elliot, where was she cut?" she asked the other detective.

"On her upper thighs mostly. There were some on her arms as well but not as many. Her thighs were an absolute mess of gashes. There were literally hundreds of them there alone. Maybe 20 or 30 on her arms," he told her. "Why?"

"Just curious," Casey repeated her earlier excuse.

"Ok. I'd better catch up with Liv. She hasn't had any sleep in 48 hours and if I make her wait too long she won't be a happy lady." Elliot smirked at Casey.

"Ok. Bye Elliot," Casey smiled.

"Bye Casey," Elliot replied.

As she was left on her own in her office Casey made a decision. She was going to have a look at the cuts on Alleigh Halloway's body. She had a gut feeling that she knew more than Olivia and Elliot and her conscience wouldn't let her keep it that way.

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	2. Chapter 2

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: What does Casey know that the rest of the squad doesn't?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Two: Casey

"Casey! What are you doing here?" Warner asked the ADA as she let her into the morgue.

"I wanted to see the cuts on Alleigh Holloway's body," she explained. "I had an idea."

"Ok. I don't see why not," Warner opened the drawer containing the teenager. She looked at Casey. "Are you sure you want to see this?" she asked warningly.

"Yeah. Yeah I do," Casey replied. Warner lifted the sheet to expose Alleigh's legs. To her surprise Casey didn't flinch. She actually moved closer and touched one of the scars gently.

"Killer didn't inflict those wounds," she stated softly. "She did."

"How do you know?" Warner asked.

"I had a friend who self-harmed," Casey told her.

"You'd better tell Olivia and Elliot that then," Warner told her, covering the girl back up.

"Yeah I'm going over there now," Casey told her.

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"Hey Novak!" Detective Fin Tutuola yelled out as Casey entered the room.

"Detective," she greeted.

"Nice goin' on the trial this mornin'," he told her.

"Thanks," Casey smiled proudly. She'd got an easy conviction.

"So…what are you doing here?" Olivia asked from her desk.

"I had a hunch about your teenager. I followed it up. Alleigh wasn't mutilated by her killer. She was a cutter. Those wounds were self-inflicted," Casey told her.

"And what would you know about that?" Olivia asked accusingly.

"A hell of a lot. I had a friend who self-harmed," Casey tried not to let the sting of Olivia's words show in her face.

"Oh. Sorry," Olivia didn't sound even remotely sorry. Casey was about to say something else when a distraught man and woman were led in by a police officer. Olivia stood and rushed over to meet them. Casey watched as she spoke to them and hugged the mother briefly before leading them into the interview room.

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"Mrs. Holloway-," Olivia began.

"Madeline," the woman interrupted.

"Madeline. Were you aware that Alleigh was self-injuring?" Olivia asked gently. Behind the window Casey leaned closer.

"Oh. That. That was just Alleigh being a little-," Madeline stopped. Her voice cracking. "She just did it because it was the 'in' thing with girls her age. We knew if we just ignored it, it'd go away," Madeline burst into tears at this. Her husband Gavin reached over and rubbed her back to comfort her.

"The other thing we wanted to ask you about was…" Olivia cleared her throat. "To your knowledge was Alleigh ever raped?" she asked.

"What? No. No," Madeline gasped. Gavin looked at his feet.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"What? Gav! What?" Madeline stood, knocking her chair over. As she backed away from her husband she almost fell. Olivia's cop reflexes saved her at the last minute though.

"I'll take her outside for some air," Elliot told Olivia softly.

"Ok. Thanks El," Olivia replied.

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"Gavin. Would you like to tell us what you know?" Olivia asked.

"When Alleigh was nine my brother Stephen lived with us for six months. One night I got home and…I caught him raping my daughter. I threw him out and warned him never to come back. Alleigh wouldn't let me tell anyone. I barely had her trust as it was. I couldn't afford to lose it completely," a few tears ran down his cheeks. "This…This was four years ago. What does it have to do with her death?" he asked.

"Probably nothing. But it may have something to do with her self-harming though," Olivia told him. Suddenly the door burst open and Madeline came stalking in. She leaned across the table so that her face was inches away from Olivia's.

"You bitch. I told you that that was nothing but Alleigh following the latest fad. Stop. Pushing. It," she warned viciously.

"Ok. Ok. I'm sorry Mrs. Holloway," Olivia said gently.

"You'd better be," Madeline snarled before wrenching Gavin from the room by his arm.

"Find out who killed my baby or leave us alone," she threw over her shoulder.

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"Do you think she's right? About Alleigh cutting for attention?" Olivia asked.

"Probably is. Y'know Hollywood stars like Angelina Jolie come out and tell everyone that they cut themselves and next thing you know every young girl is doing it," Elliot replied.

"Yeah. It's pathetic really. Oooh I feel sad I'm just going to go and slice myself to pieces. Oh I feel so much better!" Munch imitated a young girl.

"Shut up! All of you just shut up!" Casey screamed jumping up from where she was sitting on Olivia's desk. "You have no idea what it's like! No idea! You don't seem to realise that sometimes it's just not that simple! You can't accept that some of these kids really are for real!" she stopped, panting, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"But they're not Casey. It's a stupid thing to do," Olivia said calmly and gently as though talking to a witness.

"No Olivia. For some girls it's deadly serious," Casey snapped. "It certainly was for me-," she stopped, her emerald green eyes the size of saucers as she realized what she'd said.

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	3. Chapter 3

Title: Too Little. Too Late

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: Casey's secret is now out and through her the squad is drawn deeper into Alleigh Holloway's head…

Also to nem: thanks for the tips. I know they're a little out of character and I'm trying to be true to them. Your criticism of my story was really good and has given me some good tips to work with. The stuff with John Munch mocking people who self-harm was there purely because I have been told things like that to my face in the past and I needed someone to do the same to Casey.

For those who may want to know: Yes I self-harm. I'm getting help for it and one of the counselors I spoke to said that since fanfic is something I like, this may be a good way to get some of my feelings out of my system. It is a serious condition and shouldn't be taken lightly either.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Three: Busted

Casey couldn't believe she had let that slip. She got up and tried to make as dignified an exit as possible.

"Casey," Olivia called out.

"Let it go Olivia," Casey said softly as Olivia caught up with her at the door.

"No. I-," Olivia began.

"Please. Please just let it go Olivia," Casey's eyes pleaded with Olivia to understand.

"Ok," Olivia nodded. "But do you…I mean do you still do it?" she asked awkwardly.

"No," Casey smiled a tiny little bit and left. She spent the whole trip back to her office mentally kicking herself for losing her cool and divulging her biggest and best kept secret to the whole squad. She'd have betted her life savings right then that it'd be all over the precinct by that night.

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Olivia, Elliot, Munch and Fin sat quietly, contemplating what had just happened.

"This stays between us you guys," Elliot said forcefully. The other three nodded in agreement.

"Oh I feel like a total ass now," Munch groaned.

"And that's different how?" Fin commented dryly.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Munch retorted.

"Maybe she can help us," Olivia suddenly piped up.

"How do you mean?" Elliot asked.

"She can help us get inside Alleigh's head. It's all we have to go on at the moment. We have no physical evidence. Maybe if we can get into her head, find out what she was thinking, then we can find out how she ended up dead in her garage when she wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the place," Olivia explained.

"Well it's worth a shot," Elliot nodded.

"I'll go and talk to her then," Olivia told him.

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_Knock, knock. _Casey looked up from where she'd had her head sitting on her desk.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Olivia," came the detective's voice.

"Go away Olivia. I do not want to talk to you right now," Casey replied.

"I know but could you hear me out? Please," Olivia asked.

"Fine. I'm listening," Casey sighed.

"We need you to help us. You're the only person we know who can help us get inside Alleigh's head. Please Casey," Olivia was practically begging now.

Casey sat and thought about it for a few seconds. "All right. I'll help you," she called out.

"Can I come in now?" Olivia asked.

"I guess," Casey replied. The door opened and the pretty detective walked in. she sat across from Casey, watching her closely.

"You've been crying Case," she stated. Casey was surprised, lots of her friends called her 'Case' but none of the squad ever had. "Talk to me," Olivia added.

"I…" Casey sighed. "It was a long time ago Olivia but it still hurts to talk about it," she told the detective.

"C'mon. I think I know something that might help a bit," Olivia smiled grabbing Casey's hand and leading her out of the building.

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"Wow. Olivia this place is gorgeous!" Casey gushed.

"I know," Olivia had led them into a secluded little bay and out onto a wharf where they could see the lights of the city to their left and had a beautiful view of the ocean. "Elliot always brings me here when I don't want talk. It's easier to talk when there's something other than the other person to look at," she sat down, dangling her feet over the edge of the wharf and gestured for Case to do the same. "Do you want of start or shall I?" she asked. Casey sat down and took a deep breath.

"I was about Alleigh's age. My mom was killed in a home invasion gone south. I found out after she died that she was a cutter. I felt like I was going to explode from the feeling of numbness. I felt so much after she died that it all melded into numbness. I thought maybe if I cut myself I would feel something. And I did. The more I did it the more I wanted to do it. Eventually my brother Reese found out and he sent me to a counselor. I was twenty-five when he found out. I was so glad to be able to give it up. I was getting sick of looking at myself in the shower every night and seeing these horrible scars all over my legs. They've mostly faded out now but you can still see them," Casey's voice cracked. "I'll bet that little girl in the morgue had been doing it for a while. The more you do it the worse you do it. Her cuts were pretty bad," she suddenly found that she couldn't hold back any longer. Quiet sobs over took her and Olivia put her arms around her shaking body.

"It's ok Case. It's ok just…let it all out," she murmured comfortingly.

"I want to help you find out what the hell happened to that kid. I have to," Casey said, she sat up and Olivia could see her rally her emotions and knew that Casey was going to be an integral part of this case and that it would help Casey as well.

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I know that this chapter is kind of short. Sorry!

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	4. Chapter 4

Title: Too Little. Too Late

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: The Detectives and Casey are drawn deeper into Alleigh's mind in the weeks leading up to her death. Sorry I took so long to update but between work, school etc I don't have a lot of spare time.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Four: Deeper

The Detectives, at Casey's request, had taken her to Alleigh Holloway's house so that she could have a look around. They were carefully poring through her room at that time.

"Check under her mattress for a diary or anything like that," Casey suggested as she looked through Alleigh's desk drawers. "Wow," she suddenly stated. "I've got the mother load here," she held out a small wooden box full of razor blades and various other sharp implements. Behind the box was boxes of band-aids, butterfly band-aids and bandages of all descriptions.

"Nice work," Elliot commented, looking over her shoulder.

"Hey I got a diary. Anyone find any keys?" Olivia asked.

"She had a key on a chain around her neck when they brought her in remember?" Elliot reminded Olivia.

"Oh of course she did," Olivia shook her head. Her mind was preoccupied with Casey at the moment. The redhead was putting on a good show of being OK but Olivia knew that that wasn't quite the case. "I guess we take this back to the station and have a look at it," she tucked the small purple book into a plastic evidence bag forensics had given her.

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"Ugh this is all in some sort of code. I can't understand it," Olivia said in frustration.

"Lets see," Casey leaned over Olivia's shoulder.

"Huh. That's not a code Olivia. It's been written in a mirror. It's back to front," she pulled a small mirror out of her purse and held it up to the diary. Immediately the words became clear. Casey read the words aloud:

"_Dear Diary,_

_I hate my parents. They took off on holiday to Marseilles and left me here. They wouldn't even give me the key to the house so now I can't get to my supplies. Mom caught me cutting up again the other day. She went totally off her rocker at me. Oh you should have heard the things she said to me. 'Alleigh Jade Holloway! You stupid little bitch! What have I told you about doing that?! You are a shame to this family, girl! You are nothing more than an attention seeking little brat!' I tried to explain myself but she wouldn't listen. She doesn't understand what it's like. Cutting is like smoking. Addictive. The more you do it the more you want it and the more you want it the more you need it. She doesn't understand. Why would I try so hard to hide it if I wanted attention from it? Well I won't have to hide for much longer. I figured out another way to deal with it. Then she'll realize how wrong she is…" _Casey trailed off and sucked in a deep shaking breath. Olivia reached out and rubbed her arm, giving her elbow a reassuring squeeze.

"I think we all know what her other way of dealing was," Munch stated quietly.

"I say we talk to the friend she was supposed to be staying with," said Elliot.

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"Bridgette, you were a good friend of Alleigh's?" Olivia asked the young redhead in front of her.

"Yes," Bridgette answered quietly.

"Did you notice anything weird about her recently? I don't know, maybe a change in her personality or something?" Olivia asked.

"Yes! Yes I did," Bridgette looked relieved that someone was asking this. "Usually Alleigh was real quiet and almost sulky. She never said much and when she did she could get real dark. Then just before Madeline and Gavin went to France she suddenly changed. Like, overnight. She was bright and happy and talkative. She wanted to do all of these cool things with us. We went bowling and out for dinner and mini-golfing. It was so much fun," Bridgette was smiling as she said that, but then the smile faded. "But I knew something was up. I told our teacher but she just said that Alleigh had had a much needed attitude adjustment. She wasn't murdered y'know. I think I know what happened," Bridgette told Olivia.

"What? What do you think happened to Alleigh, Bridgette?" Olivia asked.

"I think she talked our friend Catriona into helping her. Catriona is really suggestible. She would have been able to coerce her into helping her end her life pretty easily. You need to talk to her. Catriona Ellington," Bridgette told Olivia.

"OK. We'll look into that thank you. Bridgette did you know about Alleigh's problem?" Olivia asked.

"You mean the cutting? Yeah I did," Bridgette said darkly. "She told me a few months ago. She totally panicked when I suggested talking to someone about it. I know about her Uncle too," Bridgette was quiet for a few moments. Then she started to cry. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It hurts too much," she sobbed.

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"So I guess we talk to this Catriona Ellington then," Elliot sighed.

"Tomorrow," Olivia said. "We need sleep now."

Casey walked into her apartment about 20 minutes later and closed the door behind her. She went straight for the bathroom and locked herself in there. She turned on the shower and then stripped down to her bra and panties. Then she stepped in front of the mirror. She stared hard at her reflection.

"Jesus," she muttered. She shook her head as she stared at her thighs. She hadn't exactly told Olivia the truth. The scars were still plenty visible. Dark crimson lines crisscrossed all over her thighs some with tiny red dots beside them from where she'd been stitched up. Tears poured down her cheeks as the steam from the shower fogged up the mirror distorting her reflection. She removed her silver watch and her bracelet and stared at the scars on her wrists. She shook her head hard and removed her underwear before stepping into the shower. She turned the water up so that it was so hot she could only just stand it and felt the tension drain out of her, the hot water turning her pale skin bright pink. By the time she stepped out of the water 20 minutes later she was feeling better. She was ready to face the world once again.

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	5. Chapter 5

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: As the squad keeps digging they follow a lead that may just be the case breaker…Sorry I took so long to update. It's a busy time of the year for me. I'll try to get this story finished in the next couple of weeks.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Five: Onto Something

"Catriona Ellington?" Olivia asked as she entered the interrogation room.

"Yes ma'am," the girl affirmed. Her mother watched Olivia suspiciously.

"Mrs. Ellington would you like to stay with your daughter while we question her?" Olivia asked.

"I'll stay with her," she answered coldly.

"Ok, Catriona you are a friend of Alleigh Holloway's yes?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. I _was_ a friend of Alleigh's," Catriona replied.

"Did you know she was a cutter?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. We all did. Y'know I tried to tell Madeline that it wasn't just a phase. She wouldn't listen to me," Catriona told Olivia.

"Yeah. She didn't like hearing otherwise from me either," Olivia told her.

"They were the classic refrigerator parents. That poor kid was so starved of attention. I have six kids but I still have plenty of attention left. Gavin and Madeline only had Alleigh and couldn't spare any attention for her," Mrs. Ellington told Olivia. "Gavin was a little better than Madeline but still not flash. I tried hard to get Alleigh to open up to me but she was just so closed off. I thought I was finally getting through to her and then this."

"Mrs. Ellington were you close with Alleigh's parents?" Olivia asked.

"Not close but we were friends," She replied. "I guess you can call me Janine Detective-?" she searched for a name.

"Just Olivia will do. I think I'll have a chat with you on your own after I've finished talking to Catriona," Olivia told her.

"Right. I'll be quiet for now," Janine smiled a little.

"Catriona, did Alleigh ask you anything weird I the last few days or weeks before she died?" Olivia asked.

"Yes. She asked me to help her kill herself," Catriona told her.

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Behind the mirrors Elliot and Casey flinched.

"God she must have been so desperate," Casey's voice shook and Elliot gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yeah I know," he said softly, patting her gently on the back.

They watched as the interview continued.

"She wanted me to smother her with a pillow and then hang her so it looked like a suicide," Catriona's voice shook as she told Olivia this and Janine rubbed her daughters back gently. "I let myself get talked into a lot of things but killing my best friend wasn't one of them," she said softly. "I think Bridgette told you that she changed? She did. Drastically. After I said no she sulked even more for a couple of days and then all of a sudden she changed. I think that was when she found someone to help her," Catriona told her. "That's all I know. I swear to you," Catriona said grabbing Olivia's hand.

"Thank you for talking to me," Olivia told the girl, squeezing her hand.

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"Mom give you anything?" Elliot asked later after Olivia had finished talking to Janine.

"Not really. Mostly just background on the parents. Not pretty at any rate. They pretty much left Alleigh to fend for her self most of the time," Olivia told him. She ran a hand through her short hair and sighed. "She wasn't happy Elliot. That much is glaringly obvious."

"Detective Benson!" a woman called out across the squad room.

"Yeah?" Olivia called back.

"This just arrived for you," the woman was now beside Olivia and she handed her a piece of paper. There wasn't anything much written on the paper. Just a few words:_ 16th Precinct parking lot. 10.30pm – Cat._

"Cat?" Elliot asked.

"Catriona. I knew there was something more! I could see it in her eyes!" Olivia said triumphantly.

"Are you going to go?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah. And I'm going alone," she said to her partner.

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At 10.30 that night Olivia pulled her coat tighter around her body. It was really cold out. She heard a rustling behind her and turned to find Catriona standing behind her.

"Catriona. How about we go somewhere warmer?" Olivia asked.

"H…Hell yeah," Catriona shivered.

"I know a place that does really good hot chocolates at this time of the night," Olivia suggested.

"Sounds good," Catriona smiled a little.

Ten minutes later they were sipping hot chocolate in a little coffee shop. They had chosen a booth down the back so they would be virtually undisturbed.

"Do you have something you want to tell me Catriona?" Olivia asked gently.

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you at the interview but my Mom wouldn't leave us alone. Y'know how she said she couldn't break through to Alleigh?" Catriona asked.

"Yes," Olivia replied.

"I think she did. And I think she…she…she," tears started pouring down Catriona's cheeks. Olivia reached over and grabbed her hand. It seemed to help. "Olivia I think that my Mom was the one who helped Alleigh kill herself!"

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	6. Chapter 6

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: The case really begins to get on top of Casey as they are drawn deeper into Alleigh's life yet again. This chapter admittedly doesn't have a lot to do with the actual case but more to do with Casey's state of mind and the growing friendship between her and Olivia.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Six: Deeper Still

Casey sat on the balcony of her apartment with a glass of vodka and orange juice. She stared at the street, not really seeing anything…

"_Mr. Novak were you aware that your wife self-harmed?" the detective asked._

"_I'd just found out. She had just been to her first counseling session. How did this happen to us?" Carl Novak buried his face in his hands. 13-year-old Casey stood on the other side of the mirror. 'Self-harmed?' she thought. 'I wonder what that is.'_

"_Casey get out of there! You're gonna get me in trouble!" her 15-year-old brother Reese whispered harshly, dragging her out of the interrogation room by her hand._

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_One night six months later her dad came to tuck her into bed._

"_Dad?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_What does self-harmed mean?"_

"_Where did you hear that Casey?"_

"_I heard some detectives say that Mom did it. What is it Dad?"_

"_It's something that some people do when they don't know how to cope with their feelings. They hurt themselves to make the pain go away."_

"_How do they hurt themselves?"_

"_Well. I don't think we need to talk about this now. Time for bed. Remember to say a prayer for mom."_

"_Of course. Goodnight Dad."_

"_Goodnight Casey."_

_Carl turned off the light. Sleep didn't come easily to Casey that night, though it hadn't since her Mom had died six months ago. She lay in the darkness wondering what her mom had done to hurt herself. She thought about how her mom always had scratches on her arms. Did she inflict those on herself? Casey thought about something else. Ever since her mom had died she had had an almost irrepressible urge to bang her head against things. She didn't know why. It just seemed to knock all of the bad things out of her head. Her mind jumped back to her moms arms. She had always worn long sleeves, even in the summer. Once she had heard her say that hopefully one day the scars would fade and she wouldn't have to wear long sleeves all of the time. It had always baffled Casey. Until now. Suddenly she was compelled to get up and cut herself. See if she could figure out why her mother had done it. She snuck into the bathroom and took a razor blade from the box. She went back into her room, locked the door and sat on her bed. She pushed up the sleeve of her pyjama top and pressed the razor against her skin drawing it across her arm. It stung and she dropped the razor. She saw tiny beads of blood start to appear on her arm and it completely entranced her. The sting quickly faded to a dull throb and she found that for the first time she could think clearly without all her feelings clouding her mind. She picked up the razor and cut her arm again. And again. And again. Soon her arm was covered in bright red scratches. She forced herself to stop and looked at her arm. 'Uh oh. Oh what have I done? I have to hide this. Thank God it's wintertime. Oh man. What did I do that for?' Casey was so scared and confused. Her arm hurt like hell and she was totally freaked that her dad would find out. She hid the razor and went to bed. Sleep came almost straight away…_

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A quiet sob escaped Casey's lips as she thought about the very first time she cut. She still asked herself why. Every single time she had held a razor to her skin she would ask herself why. She got up and went inside. Once inside she allowed the sobs to overtake her. Tears poured down her cheeks as she curled up in a ball on her couch, trying to shield herself from the ever increasing urge to start cutting again. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Casey? It's Olivia," came the familiar voice.

"Hang on," Casey winced at how broken she sounded.

"Are you Ok Casey?" Olivia's voiced was laced with concern. Casey ignored the question and opened the door. Olivia took one look at Casey and pulled her into a tight hug. Casey tried desperately to hold back the sobs, but wrapped securely in the detectives arms she just failed miserably. Olivia kicked the door shut and led Casey over to the couch. She sat down against the arm of the couch and sat Casey in the vee of her legs so that she could continue to hold her close. After a while Casey's sobs tapered off to soft sniffles. Olivia was also in tears now although Casey was yet to notice this. Casey was the one who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry Olivia. This case…it's just opened up so many old wounds…" she took a deep breath.

"I know you're having trouble with this case. I can see it in your eyes," Olivia whispered.

Casey sat up and shifted away from Olivia. She grabbed the box of tissues off of her coffee table. As she did she glanced at Olivia and saw her trying to discreetly wipe her own tears away. Casey turned to face her. She gave an apologetic smile and held out the box of tissues. Olivia returned the smile with a grateful one and took a couple of tissues.

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"How come you're here Olivia?" Casey asked softly, a few minutes later.

"Well. There was really two reasons. One was that you didn't seem so good when you left the station. The other was that I just met with Catriona Ellington and she thinks that her mom was the one that helped Alleigh kill herself," Olivia explained.

"Wow. This case just gets more and more complicated doesn't it?" Casey shook her head slightly. "I guess we need to talk to Janine Ellington again then."

"Y'know I really think that if it was Janine it was a mercy killing. I think that maybe Alleigh did open up to Janine and that she had seen what we're beginning to see," Olivia told Casey.

"Yeah. One really desperate little girl," Casey looked at Olivia her emerald eyes shining with tears. "She just felt so unloved Olivia. I read the rest of that diary. She felt like there was no-one in her world who gave a damn about her. She felt that there was nothing in her life worth living for. She was only 14! No-one should have to think about things like that. Least of all when they're 14!" Casey had managed to hold her tears back this time but she just looked so hopeless. Olivia saw a flicker of something unexpected go through Casey's eyes: understanding.

"Casey, have you ever tried to kill yourself?" she asked quietly, reaching over and taking hold of the redheads hand.

"Once. One time, and I nearly succeeded," Casey replied softly. She pulled her hand away from Olivia's and removed her watch revealing the deep crimson scar that ran from one side of her wrist to the other. Olivia stared at it for a moment before removing her own watch and revealing an almost identical scar on her own wrist.

"Yeah. Me too," she sighed.

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	7. Chapter 7

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: The pieces of the puzzle begin to come together and finally the case comes out of limbo. There'll probably only be one or two more chapters after this one. Three more at most so I can move on to more stories.

Thanks to 'Abbie Carmichael' for reminding me to put a warning on this story. I've been meaning to do it for a while but keep forgetting to. But I've done it now as you've probably seen.

The song is 'Breathe No More' by Evanescence.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence. I do not own the song used in this chapter either.

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Chapter Seven: Invisibility.

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side_

_All the little pieces fallen, shatter_

_Shards of me, too sharp to put back together_

_Too small to matter_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces_

_If I try to touch her and I bleed, I bleed_

_And I breathe, I breathe no more_

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well_

_Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child_

_Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever_

_And all of this will make sense when I get better_

_I know the difference between myself and my reflection_

_I just can't help but to wonder_

_Which of us do you love so I bleed, I bleed_

_And I breathe, I breathe no_

_Bleed, I bleed_

_And I breathe, I breathe_

_I breathe, I breathe no more_

Olivia lay on Casey's couch listening to the stereo which had just turned itself on loudly. She didn't know what the song was or who sang it but it was depressing her. She couldn't help but listen to all of it though and waited 'til it had finished before turning off the stereo. She headed into Casey's bathroom. When she came out she found Casey jiggling in the hallway. She couldn't help but laugh at the sight. The redhead looked like a five-year-old child busting for a pee. Casey muttered something as she pushed past Olivia that sounded suspiciously like 'F-off' before shutting the door. Olivia laughed again and went to get a glass of water. She felt surprisingly calm after revealing her biggest secret to Casey the night before. She had hidden it for so long that finally letting it out felt like the weight of the world had lifted off her shoulders. And she had to admit that that felt pretty damn good.

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"Janine. How are you?" Olivia asked politely.

"Good thank you detective. How are you?" Janine replied.

"Fine thank you. This is our Assistant District Attorney, Casey Novak. Novak this is Janine Ellington," Olivia introduced.

"Hello Mrs. Ellington," Casey said politely.

"Hi," Janine was looking at them suspiciously now. "Why is she here?"

"Because," Olivia paused. "You are now the main suspect in the murder of Alleigh Halloway," she told her.

"What!" Janine asked. "Why!" she shot a nasty look toward where Catriona was waiting with a young set of identical twin girls.

"A source gave us some information," Olivia told her.

"Cat told you didn't she?" she sighed. "Poor kid, I should never have told her. It must have been eating her up. Ok can we go somewhere more private?" she asked. Olivia and Casey led her into an interrogation room.

"I'd advise you to call your lawyer before we go any further," Casey told her.

"I don't have a lawyer and I don't want one," Janine told her.

"Tell us what happened Janine," Olivia hit the record button on the voice recorder.

"It was at Catriona's party three weeks ago. She had a few friends over. Bridgette; Alleigh; Kelly Reynolds; Marissa Davidson; and Loren Hayes. After all of the other girls had gone to sleep I found Alleigh sitting in the hall, crying…

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"_Alleigh? What's the matter sweetheart" Janine sat down beside the girl._

"_It's nothing Mrs. Ellington. Just nothing," Alleigh replied, sniffling quietly._

"_If it's nothing then why are you crying?" Janine asked, slipping an arm around Alleigh. "Alleigh, if something is wrong you can tell me. Anything you say will be in complete confidence. I swear I won't tell a soul," Janine coaxed._

"_Pinkie swear?" Alleigh asked with a little smile. She and Janine shook pinkie fingers._

"_Now, what's got you so blue?" Janine asked._

"_My life in general. I hate it so much!" Alleigh burst into tears._

"_Why do you hate your life?" Janine saw a look of absolute despair in Alleigh's eyes. "What happened to you Alleigh?" she asked._

"_Daddy told me I couldn't tell," Alleigh whispered._

"_Tell what? Did he do something to you Alleigh?" Janine asked sharply._

"_N-not Daddy," Alleigh told her._

"_Who, Alleigh? Who?" Janine asked._

"_Uncle Stephen," Janine barely heard the answer she whispered so quietly._

"_What did he do? Did he touch you?" Janine asked. Alleigh shook her head. "Did he hit you? What Alleigh?"_

"_He raped me," Alleigh started to sob uncontrollably. Janine put both of her arms around the child and held Alleigh's head against her shoulder._

"_Oh Alleigh. Did you tell someone?" Janine asked, barely in control of her own emotions._

"_Just Daddy. He messed Uncle Stephen up pretty bad. He said not to tell anyone and that it wouldn't ever happen again," Alleigh was beginning to calm in Janine's arms. "I don't want to be alive anymore. I just want to die," Alleigh murmured. "I just want to die."_

"_You don't want to die honey. It just feels that way sometimes," Janine whispered._

"_I was raped by my uncle. My daddy told me it was over and that I wasn't allowed to tell a soul, so I had to get over it myself because a 'soul' involves any kind of therapist or counselor. I have been cutting myself and breaking my own bones for the last five years. My mom says I'm just an attention seeking little bitch and a disgrace to the family. I say I love you to my parents every night but I haven't heard either of them say it back to me in at least seven years. So don't you tell me that I don't want to die. Because I do want to die. I want nothing to do with this life anymore. I have nothing left to live for. I want nothing more than to kill myself. All I need is someone to help me so that it looks like I was murdered. So I don't disgrace my family anymore than I apparently already have," Alleigh sounded so much older and so jaded in that moment…_

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"She was so desperate. I told her I'd help her," Janine sobbed brokenly in the interrogation room. "She just seemed so desolate. I knew that if I didn't help her then she'd just find someone else who would. So I helped her. We went to their house. The separate shed doesn't lock so we decided to do it there. Do you know what the last thing Alleigh said to me was?" Janine asked.

"What?" Casey asked softly.

"Thank-you Mrs. Ellington. You saw me when no-one else did. Now at least I know that I wasn't totally invisible. Tell the girls I'll miss 'em." Janine could barely speak now. "And then I smothered her. Y'know what else?" she asked through her sobs.

"What?" Olivia asked her voice shaking.

"I don't even feel guilty. Because when I looked at that perfect little girl laying there on the floor, I knew that for the first time in her life she was in peace. For the first time in 14 years she wasn't invisible anymore."

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	8. Chapter 8

Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: The truth is out. Now come the consequences.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Eight: Torn

Olivia watched as Casey reached over the table and picked up one of Janine's hands. She squeezed lightly and looked up at Olivia. Their eyes connected and both women realized that the other was barely holding it together. Once Janine's sobs had quieted to the occasional sniffle Olivia broke the heavy silence that had fallen over them.

"Thank-you Janine. For being honest with us. I do have to place you under arrest though," Olivia said quietly.

"I know you do," Janine replied raising puffy red eyes to meet Olivia's.

"Ok. Janine Ellington you are under arrest for the murder of Alleigh Jade Halloway. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you…"

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"Well that's not exactly what I expected," Cragen said to Elliot as they watched Olivia arrest and Mirandize the suspect.

"I'll say," Elliot replied.

Olivia and Casey led Janine out of the interrogation room and handed her off to some young cops to take to a cell.

"She obviously thought she was doing the right thing. Can we make her a deal?" Cragen asked.

"I'll talk to the D.A. and see what I can do," Casey brushed past the guys and headed for the door.

"I'll be back in a minute," Olivia told Elliot and Cragen. She took off after Casey.

"Well it's nice to see them getting along so well isn't it?" Cragen said to Elliot.

"Yeah. It's about time," Elliot replied.

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Olivia caught Casey as she was headed out of the building.

"Case!" Casey didn't stop walking as Olivia called out to her. "Casey," Olivia grabbed her elbow and turned her around. "Are you going to be OK?" Olivia asked awkwardly.

"You mean am I going to go home and cut again?" Casey sniffled a little.

"Uh…yeah," Olivia nodded.

"No. I'm going to go to see Arthur Branch and see if we can cut Janine a deal. Then I'm going to come and tell you guys if we can or not. Then I'm going to go home and prepare my case. And eat a lot of ice cream. And maybe drink a little bit…" Casey smiled thinly at Olivia. "I'll be fine. Thanks Liv," she said seriously.

"Good," Olivia smiled at Casey. She could now see in the red-head's eyes that she was telling the truth.

"Do you think that Alleigh would have found someone else if Janine hadn't helped her?" Casey asked.

"I think she probably would have. And if all else failed she would have done it herself. Well, I've got to go and tell Alleigh's parents what happened to their daughter," Olivia gave the elbow she was still holding onto a squeeze before letting the A.D.A. go.

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"Mr. and Mrs. Halloway. We have a development in Alleigh's case," Olivia told the people in front of her.

"Did you find out who killed her?" Madeline Halloway asked, linking hands with her husband in anticipation.

"Yes we did. But I should tell you that the person did it because Alleigh asked her to. This was a mercy killing not a random one," Olivia told them.

"Who?" Gavin asked.

"Janine Ellington," Olivia answered.

"What! No! She's been so good to us since Alleigh died! Why? Why would she do this to us!" Madeline broke down.

"What do you mean Alleigh asked her to?" Gavin asked.

"From what we can tell Alleigh was severely depressed. The self-harm and the assisted suicide were a direct result of it. She asked Janine to smother her and then hang her to make it look as though she was murdered," Olivia explained.

"Oh god," Madeline turned and began sobbing into Gavin's chest.

"What's going to happen to Janine?" Gavin asked.

"We are going to apply for a minimum sentence. An assisted suicide can be classed as manslaughter," Olivia told him.

"Manslaughter? For killing my child? No, I want her done for murder. She murdered my daughter!" Madeline sobbed.

"I'm sorry. It was intentional manslaughter. Not murder," Olivia apologized.

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An hour and a half after Madeline and Gavin left Casey returned from the District Attorney's office.

"Good news. He said to charge her with man two. Minimum of three years," She told the detectives.

"Man Two? I was hoping he'd agree to drop to _murder_ two. That's great Case. The parents weren't happy that we weren't looking at Murder though," Olivia told her.

"Didn't think they'd be too thrilled," Casey went quiet.

"Excuse me?" a little voice came from behind them. They turned and found themselves face-to-face with Catriona, Bridgette, Catriona's father and two other girls.

"Hi. Can we help you guys?" Olivia asked.

"Um we just wanted to tell you guys that Alleigh's funeral is tomorrow afternoon and that you're welcome to come," Catriona held out a small card with the details of the funeral on it. "If you want to that is," she added.

"We'll be there," Olivia assured the girls.

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	9. Chapter 9

Title: Too Little. Too Late

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: Alleigh's Funeral. I know my last chapter kinda sucked. I was in a hurry and just wanted to get something up. I may well go back and edit it later. This is it. The last chapter then I'm moving on to another fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Nine: The Final Goodbye.

Olivia stood in front of the mirror trying to see if she looked ok for a funeral. She decided she'd have to look fine when the door bell rang. She slid her shoes onto her feet as she went to let Elliot in.

"Hey," She said as she opened the door.

"Hey Liv," Elliot replied. "You look fine," he told her as she opened her mouth to ask. "I picked Casey up on the way over. She said she'd wait in the car."

"Ok. I'm ready to go," Olivia grabbed her bag and keys and locked her apartment behind her.

"Don't think I've ever actually been to one of our victim's funerals before," Elliot mused as they walked down the stairs.

"Neither," Olivia replied.

They walked over to the car where Casey was waiting in the passenger seat and headed to the church where the service was being conducted.

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"I will now ask you all to join me in the Lord's Prayer," the Priest said to the crowd gathered in the small, hot church. Everyone who wasn't already standing stood and bowed their heads. "_Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen_." The Priest was silent for a few moments. "Thank-you." Everyone sat down again. "Alleigh Halloway was a frequent fixture in our youth program. A lovely but troubled young lady she was. While we gather today to say our final farewells some of Alleigh's friends and relatives would like to say a few words in remembrance of Alleigh. Catriona would you and Bridgette like to go first?" he asked the girls. They nodded.

"Alleigh was a really good friend of ours. We knew everything about each other and we're really going to miss her," Catriona said sadly.

"We found this poem that we decided we would like to read today to remind everyone that while physically Alleigh is gone. She'll live forever in those who loved her and were close to her," Bridgette said bravely. The two girls moved closer together and began to read the poem in perfect unison:

"_Do not stand by my grave and weep,_

_I am not there, I do not sleep._

_I am the thousand winds that blow,_

_I am the diamond glints in snow._

_I am the sunlight on ripened grain,_

_I am the gentle autumn rain._

_As you wake with morning's hush,_

_I am the swift up-flinging rush._

_Of quiet birds in circling flight,_

_I am the day transcending night._

_Do not stand by my grave and cry,_

_I am not there, I did not die."_

Catriona began to cry at that point so Bridgette pulled her into her arms and said the last few words they had prepared.

"Now we have decided that we aren't going to say goodbye to Alleigh today. She always said that goodbye is forever and in church and youth group we learn that death doesn't mean we'll never see a person again. We will meet them again one day on the other side. So instead of goodbye we thought that this was a little more fitting: 'See you later Alligator'," Catriona managed to lift her head chime in with the last line. The two girls walked back to their seats together in tears.

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After more items from Alleigh's friends and family the service was over. As they had ended up in a corner of the church Elliot, Olivia and Casey had to wait while everyone else filed out. Then everyone headed to the cemetery for the burial.

After a few more words had been spoken the Priest began to lower the casket into the grave. As he did another two of Alleigh's friends sang a 'Amazing Grace', their beautiful voices winding around the quiet onlookers. Olivia was surprised to see that there were plenty of tears but no sobbing as there had been in the church. A strange sort of peace had come over everyone and the two girls voices just seemed to add to the spell. Olivia felt her own tears and the looked at Casey who had tears on her cheeks too. Casey seemed to feel her gaze and turned to look at her. She squeezed the hand she was clinging tightly too and leaned over to whisper something.

"Do you feel it too?" Olivia nodded. "She's at peace isn't she? After so much pain and suffering she's finally found a place where she's free," Casey's eyes were a brighter green than Olivia had ever seen them when they were full of tears. Olivia squeezed her hand back.

"I think you're right, Casey. I really think you're right," she whispered back.

Casey turned back to watch the casket lowered the last few inches into the grave. She felt a hand stroke her back a few times and turned to see that it was Elliot reaching around Olivia. 'You Ok?' he mouthed. She nodded. Everyone was now lining up to file past the grave and pay their last respects and toss a handful of soil onto the casket. Casey was in front of Olivia and Elliot was trailing behind the two women. When it got to her turn she picked up a handful of soil and paused beside the grave.

"I'm sorry I didn't know you in your life Alleigh. But you taught me more in your death than anyone living has ever taught me," she took a deep breath and tossed her soil. "Thank-you Alleigh."

Olivia stepped up. "Rest in Peace sweetie," was all she could get out after hearing Casey.

Then it was Elliot's turn. "I hope it's better for you wherever you are honey," he said softly.

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Late that night Olivia lay in bed and thought about the whole case from beginning to end. She knew that this case would be one of the few that she could easily let go of and yet it would be one that would stick with her, in her heart forever. That night for the first time in many years Olivia slept soundly, her normal nightmares held away by some external force that seemed to feel that for one night she deserved a break.

Casey lay in bed and thought hard about how lucky she was to have had Reese in her most desperate hour. She had been given the opportunity to open up and had taken it and never regretted it. She had found peace within herself. Alleigh hadn't had the opportunity to open up to someone she really loved and she had found her peace in another life. This was a case that she would remember forever.

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Please read and review.

Well that's it. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this story.


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